DISCLAIMER: No Snakes Were Harmed in the Making of this Blog!

My husband, Jerry (also known as JR) is built like a brick house standing six foot three in cowboy boots, and is as strong as three oxen put together.  Keeping him fueled up with food takes great effort.  To supplement his diet, he eats a nightly snack of cereal.  Now, you and I, when we eat a bowl of cereal we usually follow the general guidelines on the back of the box for a single serving, not Jerry.   No, he has his own bowl and spoon, to fit his Paul Bunyan size man-paws and appetite.  He fills this oversized bowl with at least one half a box of cereal each night.

Not only does JR have a lumberjack size appetite, he’s your typical country boy.  JR grew up on a family farm raising hogs, riding horses, and playing football for the local high school team. Having city girl roots, I often find it my duty to serenade him with, “Just a good ole’ boy, never meaning no harm…” Jerry tends to roll his eyes, but I am sure if Waylon could hear me he would not only be proud of my musical abilities, but he would also agree whole-heartedly that JR is a big, ole’, strong country boy!

What do country boys do?  Well, mine LOVES to be outside.  Being house bound by Indiana snowstorms and confined to cramped airplane cabins often makes my husband jitter about like a caged animal { that’s a story for another blog}.   Thank goodness his profession of choice, lumberjacking, allows him a natural escape.  Come rain or shine, snow or hail, just like the U.S. Post Office, he’s out buying timber, logging, and running our mill six days a week. 

His outdoor adventures don’t stop with work, when he’s not working he’s outside playing.   He’s often found hunting or out on the golf course “hitting little whitey,” as he calls it.  His love of the outdoors does come with some danger, dangerous wildlife that is.  I’m talking the coiled up, cold-skinned, slithery kind of wildlife. Yep, you guessed it, snakes. JR is afraid of snakes! You know the elephant and the mouse fable? Same scenario, different characters and the size of the reptile does not matter.  I know, I thought the same thing, “A big brute of a man terrified of nice little snakes?” I too, could hardly believe it myself when I first discovered it!

One day, feeling a little curious and maybe a little ornery too, I wondered to myself, “Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I mixed a little rubber snake with his current late night cereal?”  Once, this question entered my mind, there was no escaping the hypothesis my mind predicted.  The experiment had to take place!  I began early in the day preparing for his late night ritual.

All the variables in place, I began to wait.  This was one of the most difficult secrets I have ever attempted to keep.  Multiple times that night I had to remove myself from his presence to sneak an anticipatory laugh.  Eight o’clock, nine o’clock, ten o’clock, finally he made his move.  I too, made mine.  Stealthfully, following him to get a front row seat to the show about to go down, I peeked around the corner into the kitchen. If someone had seen me they would probably say I looked like Coyote setting his trap for the Road Runner.

Placing his bowl on the counter oblivious to my anticipatory eyes, he turned to retrieve his Fruit Loops from the cupboard.  Ten feet, nine feet, eight feet, he made his way to his cereal bowl on the counter.  Oohwee, at this point I am so tickled I am crossing my legs, so that I do not pee myself.  JR opens the cereal box without even the slightest clue as to what is going to go down in the next few seconds.  He lifts and angles the box, and out slides the pre-planted rubber snake.  Instantly, clutching with fear unable to release the box, JR begins what looks like a Native American War dance around our kitchen.  This giant of a man screaming, chanting, hopping, spinning, arms flailing- he begins to shower our kitchen with the entire box of cereal.   It was one of the funniest scenes that I have ever witnessed.

Luckily, he did eventually forgive me, and even now chuckles himself when the story of the snake in his cereal bowl is retold, but I learned a valuable lesson.  I learned that if you are going to prank your husband with snakes in his cereal bowl, you have got to make sure you video tape it! “Funniest Videos” is always looking for new material! (Wink, Wink, blog you next Sunday!)