Let's Make A Deal!

When two people get married it is not only the blending of two people and their families, but also a meshing of two lifestyles, ideals, and opinions.  When Jerry and I first married it was quite evident even early on in the dawning of our marriage that we went about life in two distinctive ways.  It’s one of my favorite divine twists in our union that I have grown to love.

I say “grown” to love because it took time and first-hand experience to rely on, trust in, and respect Jerry’s peculiar ways and the juxtaposition of our habits and skills.  I am sure JR would tell you the same when it came to me and my own titillating ways.  This contrast of wills has proven to be a blessing in many circumstances.  He is the “ying” and I am the “yang”.  When I am conservative, he is aggressive.  When I am impatient, he’s full of endurance.  We seem to balance each other out in our weakest and strongest moments becoming both anchors and wings for each other!  Today, I would like to share a story about one of these moments where it was the Rose team vs. the car salesman. The poor fella did not know what was going to hit him!

Prior to marrying JR, I had owned an old white rust bucket of a Buick; high in miles, low in maintenance and gas expense.  It sure was an eyesore, but it did get me from point A to point B even when I was working in Elkhart driving a two hour round-trip each day!  Maxing out its engine miles on a daily basis was taking its toll on the little wagon.  Jerry and I decided to start “shopping” around for a replacement vehicle.

Now JR’s most prominent personality trait is that he loves to wheel and deal!  He’d rather trade and barter than exchange cash any day!  I actually believe this is a genetic trait found in the Rose family chromosome makeup.  So when I say shopping around I actually mean the Rose version of “shopping around”- hours, days, and weeks of research-reviewing our budget, scanning photos and prices of cars in those gas station photo adds, local car lot drive-bys, internet price comparison of vehicles, and a final review of the online Blue Book.  Thorough is not a strong enough a word to describe our big item bargain hunting method.  Together having thoroughly eliminated all but a few possible vehicle choices, JR sat me down to explain his “vehicle shopping strategy.”

He proceeded to hold an hour long family meeting where he explained the ins and outs of this strategic scheme.  He shared with me in detail the antagonist role he wanted me to play in his dealing production. He summarized each objection I was supposed to voices to the dealer.  JR then described precisely what I was to utter to him in the dealer’s presence.  Jerry then demonstrated the exact disgruntled and exasperated expressions I needed to display on my rotund little face.  He further enlightened me with the fact that near the end of the deal I needed to dissatisfiedly walk away, and then he said, “You can improvise from there!”

“HUH, improvise from there?” but he meant it!

The underhanded plan rolling into action, I sat in the passenger side of his truck clutching my purse in awe of all he had just explained to me and in fear of letting him down.  I remember shaking my head thinking to myself, “How am I gonna pull off this ACT of a conservative, penny pinching wife, who says no?”  I began to wonder how the whole “Wheeling and Dealing” was going to go down.  I was definitely feeling the pressure of the situation!

As we entered the car dealership (me still clutching my purse with apprehension, which probably helped to bring some backbone to my amateur acting) the dealer approached us grinning from ear-to ear.  I’m almost certain he was thinking, “Young married couple=little common sense= quick sale= grinning ear=to=ear!”  Of course JR greeted him with a grin just as big and his manly handshake, me not so much (playing the role JR assigned me)!  We continued the meeting by driving a few cars, and narrowing our choice to two and then one.  Here is when the charade began JR’s, mine, and the car dealer each playing the role JR had laid out in his plan.  We all danced around the facts, and played our best poker hands as we began to deal.  We were all dealing with our own instincts, and gut reactions to what was declared and left unspoken.  It was a beautiful poetic dance of wits; I became engrossed with the scene when I saw the dealer’s brow begin to sweat.  Instinctively I knew this was the moment, I dramatically left the office (just as JR had coached me) to convey that this penny-pinching conservative wife was done dealing.  I declared back into the room, “Jerry, thank the man for his time and let’s go home.”

Jerry straight-faced and calm as a whistle held his ground and hollered back, “Just hold on a minute, and let me talk with him a bit.”  and continued to do so as I sat in the truck to wait (as I had been taught!) Shortly thereafter, Jerry came to retrieve me from my spot.  Having played the deal out that day, the dealer probably spent from the “Battle of the Roses” surrendered a vehicle well below the Blue Book value and listed sticker price.

Needless to say, we still play cheap wife, nice guy and have teamed up to deal our way into some great financial opportunities.  Plus, now that I’ve learned some of JR’s wheeling-dealing secrets I often try to wheel and deal him into washing dishes.  My wheeling dealing didn’t work out quite like I had planned, Jerry never washed the dishes but I did get a dishwasher out of the deal. You see he is a great teacher, and I’m a quick learner!

JR TOUGH

Jerry, like most people, has a list of familiar quotes that he often refers to in certain circumstances, but one quote in particular seems to be his personal mantra.  I say mantra, because he has held it sacred over the years applying it to a variety of personal situations.  He shares it often with family, friends, and employees delivering the quote with a smirk on his lips and a twinkle in his eye jokingly stating, “You have to be tough, if you’re going to be stupid.”

Now-a-days as of late, he uses this citation to describe himself choosing his labor intensive job of lumberjacking, or to jokingly inspire younger employees into staying in school! By no means is Jerry stupid, in fact he’s a lot smarter than he ever lets on.  I have observed a number of people as they underestimate his wisdom, especially when it comes to money and business.  Today I wish only to chit chat about the other half of his quote, “being tough!”  Being in JR’s presence even a short time watching him work, play, or crack nut shells with his bare man paw, one quickly becomes aware of how tough he really is.  Today I will recant, for your benefit, my epiphany of the fact.

When I first met Jerry, I was introduced to the remarkable fact that not only was he an amateur bull rider, but he had also independently travelled out to Wyoming following graduation to have his go at  Cody’s rodeo clown school.  Instantly, loving an adventure, I wanted to know more, and if this guy was for real!  With pride he shared various rodeo accounts and whipped out his prized cotton trophy, a blue jean shirt shredded at the ribs (by bull horns) covered in blood stains. Yes, he was definitely turning out to be the real deal!  Curiosity getting this feisty little cat fired up, we started dating.  The first few dates we didn’t really do anything out of the ordinary: bowling, pizza, movies, etc… Little did I know that our serene dating routine was about to change.

We had been dating almost a month now, and had made plans to spend a Saturday afternoon together.  He told me to wear warm clothes that I could get dirty because we would be outside.  Come to find out, we ended up at his dad’s muck farm cutting firewood. I KNOW, HE’S QUITE THE ROMANTIC! He says he was conducting an interview, I think he just wanted free labor-and I spoiled his plans.  You see my dad had always taught me that nobody wants to drag a dead mule around; a man needs another mule to work in a field side-by-side with him. Applying my Pop’s ridiculously romantic farm parable, I worked like a mule at Jerry’s side! I believe I swept him off his feet in that moment, simultaneously stealing his heart and earning his admiration!  Anyways, I enjoyed the challenge of attempting to keep up with him (which I have learned is impossible).  You can learn a lot about a person when you work side-by side!  I was pleasantly surprised not only was JR a hard worker, but he could also joke around and have fun while he worked!  Once again I thought to myself, “Is this guy for real?”

Well, we had been plugging away for a couple hours now, JR manning the chainsaw and I was busy loading the truck bed with a fresh cut cord of oak and elm firewood.   The truck bed almost chocked full, I spun to JR to say something irrelevant and I saw him kneel with a peculiar look on his face.  I was perplexed by the act, but witnessing no other outward signs to signify that he was hurt I quickly disregarded the moment.  He laughed at what I said, stood back up, and continued severing wood pieces from the fallen log.  Within a few minutes it became evident that JR was a little quieter and was now moving at a measured pace, remembering him down on one knee I decided to investigate the situation further.  It was obvious from the moment I started to move his direction he did not want me near.  His actions a dead giveaway that something was askew, I high-tailed it to his side!

As I approached, calculating why he was reluctant to allow me within view, it was then that I saw what he was so desperate to hide! His Carhart coverall pant leg was shredded to pieces. Yes, shredded!  My internal mama bear kicked in and I think I pushed the stubborn brute down to sit on a log. I needed to take a closer look.  THANK GOODNES THERE WAS NO BLOOD, but what I discovered when I pulled the khaki shreds to the side was not very reassuring! Upon seeing muscle and sinew inside his gapping leg hole I sarcastically joked, “You know most men just use a pocket knife to carve their girlfriend’s name into a tree, not a chainsaw and their leg.”  He laughed and still seemed outwardly unaffected by the incident.   I pleaded with him to seek medical attention with no success. Continuing to play it off as a miniscule accident, I was only able to convince him into stopping at his parent’s house.  So chainsaws, gas, and 3 and 1 oil loaded, we were off in a flash! Our extra hustle causing him to pale a bit in the face as we drove to their home.

Having never met his parents before (awkward way to meet I would say), I sat in awe for about  5 minutes realizing that Jerry was not going to tell them about his gapping leg that would surely rot and fall off!  So I literally had to tattle on this hard-headed stubborn brute of a man, much to my surprise both parents sprang into action.  They looked like firecrackers inside of a steel barrel as they gathered bandages and issued orders to each other.  I didn’t realize it at the moment, but later found out that they had had lots of practice with this sort of thing.  At this point I’m like a deer caught in headlights, once again thinking to myself, “Is this guy for real?”

This was just my first encounter with JR’s toughness, the enormity of his “toughness” still hidden from my knowledge.  Upon marrying him it didn’t take long for my naivety to dissipate! Shortly after our wedding day, his mother, Martha, started handing over important documents like his birth certificate.  One of the last things she passed over was a little blue book with his name and birthdate on the front cover.   As she passed it over she said in a very firm motherly voice, “Michele, I want you to know that over the years we have had to work hard to protect Jerry.” Suddenly the “Chariots of Fire” theme song floated through my mind, and I envisioned her passing the little blue book as if it was the treasured Olympic Torch.  I knew, just from her all-knowing tone and mannerisms, that this was a momentous moment, but literally had no clue as to why!

Later that night reviewing and filing the papers she  had shared with me earlier, the epiphany hit me like a steam engine train on a mountain track with no brakes! Inside this fragile little blue book were medical records with the dates he had received his juvenile shots and detailed doctor’s notes reporting his medical history.  Listed were MULTIPLE medical catastrophe accounts of this new charge in my life! Here are just a few to create a picture of what kind of events collaborated to build Jerry’s toughness and cause such worry for his parents:

·         Front teeth knocked out by truck’s front bumper (go-cart accident at age 3!)

·         While riding bike hit by drunk driver. (age 8)

·         Broken nose (listed three different times throughout his first 18 years of life)

·         Stiches (too many to count)

·         Nose surgery

And of course, my personal favorite...

·         Bitten by raccoon, raccoon died!

I quickly learned that his mom had spoken openly and honestly about Jerry the day that the safekeeping torch was passed.  Luckily, his leg healed leaving only a scar as damage, but we have made MULTIPLE visits to the ER in the last fourteen years of our marriage.  I guess I did find that ADVENTURE I was seeking; HIS NAME IS JERRY and he is for real!  Being JR’s wife I often have to borrow his beloved quote adding my own little good-humored twist, “If you are going to be Jerry’s wife, you are going to have to be tough!”

Dancing Siblings and their Twinkle Toe Goblin

I am finding it quite humorous that each week when I start to ponder which story about Jerry I wish to disclose, two more forgotten stories pop into my head!  It doesn’t help that my family and closest friends are now anonymous followers of my blog, reminding me of even more forgotten tales.  This week I had planned to write about the first time we bought a car together, but last night we hung out with Paul (one of JR’s best friends) who reminded me of a story I love to tell!  So Paul, thanks for the reminder!  P.S. Thanks to all for following my blog about JR and for your encouraging comments! Jerry and I are enjoying this new adventure! We hope you are enjoying it too!

This story starts out as an uneventful fall evening.  Jerry and I had eaten our meat and potato supper, and had just settled into our normal routine of a quiet night of him watching the boob tube, and I busy grading papers.  At about 9:30 that night this all changed with the sound of a truck pulling into the drive and a loud knock at our door.  Much to our surprise outside our humble abode stood JR’s dad John, his sister Brenda, and Brenda’s friend Kip.  They had the coon dog box in the bed of their Ford pickup, so it wasn’t too hard to guess what they were up to!  They shared that they were going to go raccoon hunting behind the house in our neighbor’s woods, and wanted us to go with them.

Feeling tired and wanting to get some school work done before the weekend I quickly declined, but JR jumped at the opportunity to scrutinize his dad’s dog as it worked the woods.  We all watched John release his new Walker into the dark to sniff for the striped tailed trophy’s scent, and then I stood in my driveway to watch the group trot after her hot on her trail, 22 rifles and headlamps in tow.  I couldn’t help chuckling at how quiet John and Kip were and how loud and chatty both Brenda and JR were being.  I was certain that this behavior was out of nervousness, as both brother and sister are afraid of the dark and neither had one of the headlamps to light their way.

Going back inside with the intention of finishing my school work, I was distracted momentarily by an animal call that JR had left sitting on the counter in our backroom.  I immediately shook off the idea that had inserted itself into my head, and settled back onto the couch to finish my work.  Unable to concentrate, I looked out our laundry room window back towards the woods, and saw the shine of their lights in the tree tops.  I giggled out loud knowing that the idea that had popped into my brain just a few minutes ago, would not release me until I put it in motion.  You see, the call that was on the counter in the backroom is a rabbit distress call.  When coyotes hear the rabbit’s distress they come running, thinking they are going to get an easy meal.  This call has a very eerie, loud, screaming quality, perfect for scaring two coon hunters in the dark.

Oh my goodness, what’s a girl to do?  Well, I know what this girl does!  I put on my camo boots, a black sweatshirt, and a black hat to help disguise my presence in the dark.  I grabbed the call, and gave it hoot to make sure my hike into the woods wouldn’t be a miss fire. It worked; I grinned from ear-to-ear.  Off I went.  Luckily, I have spent a lot of time hiking in this section of woods, so I knew my way around even under the cover of nightfall.  The group was easy enough to find following the shadows of their headlamps twinkling between the branches in the trees and the noise of Brenda and Jerry still jawing away. This is when I chose to sneak in- creeping slowly to hide behind a large tree.  Luckily, both John and Kip were carrying the headlamps and 22s.  This is a very important detail to consider when planning to prank armed hunters!

Totally in place ready to spring my surprise, I blew on the call quietly enough to get Jerry and Brenda’s attention but not enough to scare them.  Sometimes letting their minds take care of creating their own scenarios adds to the prank!  They both stopped in their tracks, and stopped talking.  Brenda leaned over to Jerry and mouthed, “Did you hear that?”

Jerry uttered in whisper, “Yeah, what was that?” Even funnier, Kip and John were so preoccupied with the coon in the tree (or so I thought), they didn’t realize what the two scaredy-cats behind them were contemplating.  Seeing that John and Kip were not reacting to the noise, both JR and Brenda shook their heads as if to dismiss the notions their brains were sparking and began to chat even louder.

I now slid down the back of the ole’ oak tree to lay flat on the ground thinking it would be easier to hide, but still see the action from this new lower position. Peeking around the bottom, I began to internally count 1, 2, 3,... 10.  Reaching 10, I blew on the call summoning a vulgar terrorizing sound from the depths of the woods.  Both siblings spun 180 degrees and backed into each other, Jerry almost falling down as he tripped on a branch tethered to the ground by mud.  Back to back, both sibling coon hunters stared out into the darkness surrounding them and out loud started to process where the disturbing noise had come from, and what or who it was that was inspiring the fear rising up in them.  Brenda stated in a whisper, “I’m going back to the house, NOW!” and Jerry emphatically added, “I’m not moving, something is out there!

Laughing on the inside causing the leaves to rustle beneath me, they turned my way! Simultaneously realizing that I was about to blow my own cover, I blew on the call one last time and sprung up towards the pair.  Together they turned to hold each other screaming at the top of their lungs with their eyes pinched shut! Out of self-preservation, each tried to turn the other towards me to shield my attack. Dancing there in the woods, Jerry and Brenda looked like a scene straight out of “Scooby Doo” where Shaggy and Scooby reach for each other as they experience a cartoon goblin!

As I reached the two, them realizing their goblin was me, they grabbed their rapidly beating chests and sat on the nearest log.  Laughingly, John turned to me and said, “I wondered when you were going to come out of hiding.  You want to shoot this coon?”  To this day the siblings stand united in their denial of being scared one fall night by a coon hunting goblin, but John, Kip, and I all know better!

HAPPY HUNTING TO ALL OUR FALL HUNTING FRIENDS AND FAMILY! BE SAFE AND WATCH OUT FOR GOBLINS IN THE WOODS!

Sisterly Shenanigans!

In June of 1997, Jerry and I were married in a sweet little chapel in Talma, Indiana.  Being young and newlyweds, holidays became very important to us. Myself being like most new brides, requested that my extended family celebrate Christmas at our first homestead.  Jerry agreed because he knew it was important to me, and so the date was set.

I started planning the menu, and preparing my home with handmade and newly purchased holiday decorations.  My sister, Nicole, was going to be home from Dallas for the holiday week, so I enlisted her help in preparing the food on the day of the event. This was already turning into a holiday that I knew would bring me great joy, because I just LOVE being around my husband, sister, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandmother!

The day had finally arrived, the house was ready for guests, and Nikki had showed up at my door carrying all the recipes, plates, and pans we needed from our mom’s house.  Together we began prepping, baking, and cooking all the dishes.  Even better, Nikki and I began catching up on all the ins and outs of each other’s lives.  She shared about her adventures of big town life in Dallas, and I shared all the adventures of country life, teaching, and marriage.

It was somewhere in this shared cooking/ storytelling time that Nikki and I came up with the united desire to initiate Jerry into the family.  It was really a logical deviation from our tasks, being that it was his first  holiday celebration with the family. To be honest, I’m not even sure whose initial thought it was to christen him, but we were definitely united as sisters! POOR  JR, he did not stand a chance!

The planning began; naturally JR did not participate in any of the gift buying responsibilities so that seemed the most advantageous area to create a surprise around.   Together, we decided to use a picture I had taken of JR on our honeymoon.  Now this was not any normal picture of JR, in fact the photo included him, a bathtub, lots of bubble bath bubbles, and a cowboy hat.  Please keep in mind this was a decent photo, one that would embarrass him just enough to turn him pink, not red.  The photo was put in a box, wrapped, bedazzled with ribbon and a bow, and labeled, “To Nik, From Jerry.”  We placed the wrapped initiation trap under the tree.  It was perfectly camouflaged by all the other gifts!

Next, Nik and I collaborated on how best to deliver the gift, and how to begin the unveiling of the initiation attack.  We planned for every detail, pretty confident in how JR would act and react to each step of the gift’s unveiling. 

JR was the first to arrive (home from work), and to be honest my sister is better at keeping secrets so there was only time to wait.  Shortly after him, our family began to arrive as well.  We ate a delicious meal, and encountered great family fellowship. Everyone was in a very merry mood; it was perfect! The entire time Nikki and I continued to joke privately about what would happen this year during the annual family gift exchange.  This time we did not even include our normal prank ally, our dad!  WE JUST KNEW HE WOULD BECOME A TRAITOR AND TAKE THE SIDE OF HIS NEW SON-IN-LAW! This was a need to know operation, and the only people that needed to know were Nik and I.  Everybody else would know soon enough!

The time had arrived!  It was gift giving time!  Nikki sat to my left in a high-straight back chair, and Jerry sat to my right in a low soft chair.  He was sitting low enough that he could not see into the box as she opened it!  The gifts were passed out, so Nikki claimed she wanted to go first, slowly she began to unwrap her gift. To my right Jerry tapped my elbow for reassurance that he was giving her a gift she would like. So of course I gave him my most reassuring wink, and he grinned!  Everything we had planned was falling into place, this was too easy!

Of course Nikki is at good at setting up pranks as I am, and to be honest can keep an even straighter face.  As she opened her gift she put on a show, “Oh my JR, you shouldn’t have.  I can’t believe you got me this; I love it!” She acted speechless, and he seeing this rubbed his knuckles on his chest and then blew his knuckles again, taking ALL the credit for the great gift his new sister-in-law had just received!  Straight-faced, she asked him, “Do you mind if I pass this around so that everyone can see it?”  

Feeling quite proud of himself he boldly said, “Sure! I’m really glad you like it!” elbowing me again, and rubbing his knuckle on his chest and then blowing on them to show off to all that were present.  Nikki turned to her left and the gift was passed around the room in the opposite direction from where Jerry was sitting.

As the photo travelled around the room to each family member, it was met with their natural reactions of, “Wow”, “Oh, My”, and raised eyebrows.  This added to his confidence and curiosity, and he asked me what he had gotten her.  I quietly shushed him and twisted my eyes to my sister as if to say, “Keep it our secret, so she doesn’t know you didn’t get it for her.”  By now he was sitting up on the edge of his seat, it was apparent he could hardly wait for the gift to reach him so he too could see what he had gotten her.

Finally the gift arrived, he looked into the box and saw his cowboy covered noggin grinning up out of a white bathtub full of bath bubbles.  The room was silent, in anticipation of his reaction.  TIME STOOD STILL, as he mentally processed the whole event and realized that he had been set up by two sneaky sisters.  Needless to say, Nikki and I both ran for our lives to the laughter of everyone else, as he chased us out of the room.  Yes, he did catch us, and we did pay for our pranking.   I learned right then and there how important it is to allow time for sibling-spouse bonding.  To this day he steals the phone away from me when Nikki calls!  I love knowing that they care about each other so!